Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
New York to be Host to Americaâ€™s Biggest Singles Event
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Kylie Jenner Wasnâ€™t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.