I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.