let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
operation harelip BJ is a go
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
my poor anus
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.