your parents love me but you hate me
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
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The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
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I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.