apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying