I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
