there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
