Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Randomize