The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i think i have herpe
just one?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
