just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
