Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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