Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
