My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
