A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i think my tv is drunk
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
This house was built for laser tag.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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