I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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