there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
