Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
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if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
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I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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