Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
