he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
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