I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
