There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
