He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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