three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
