Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
