she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think a kid would responsible me up
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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