i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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