I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
