okay pat passed out under dana's car
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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