Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
