dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Randomize
