And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So squirting runs in the family.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
