youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
