How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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