You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
