i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
