Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My legs feel like baby dolphins
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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