I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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