i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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