How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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