Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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