If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
