I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
