I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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