You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
