The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
