Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
So here I am, sexting at work.
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