omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
