I wish I could teleport
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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