I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize