Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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