lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
