i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
