im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
