I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
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