I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
