Do you still have your period?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
