Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
