reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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