Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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