Betty ford says i'm here all night
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
