do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
