Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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