Don't make out with my wife yet
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
