I feel like abortions should bother me more
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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