I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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