I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
