It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
