Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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