"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
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i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
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We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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