So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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