I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you mean i was at the winter classic?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
