A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
