He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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