As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize