those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
