i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
