i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Sorry my hands just texted you
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
