Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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