Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
