I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
