Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
