I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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