Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
