I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
